Wonderful, Loving, Giving...The Roduner Family

Every once in a while you are blessed with amazing people, or an amazing person or family in your life.....

I have been beyond blessed to not only know Heather and David and the boys but I have become apart of their family. They have blessed me in so many wonderful ways it hard to find words to describe it but that is what I am going to try to do in this post.

(Heather I apologize now for making you cry)

I have learned so much from this beautiful family, more than they probably know or realize. I have learned what a loving and fun marriage looks like, that all family's struggle, and that its not about the struggle but how you get through it. I have learned patience ( thanks boys).

They have also brought ME back, let me explain a little bit, I was living in a shell of myself, faking a smile only a few people could get my real smile and real emotions out: Jessica Ward, Scott Ward and of course Alix Marie, and finally my Carter Bug , and The Roduner's...especially Heather. ( I miss the Ward family so so so so much but that for a different post) They brought my life back and brought my smile back and let me be sad when I needed it. They showed me Jesus's love for me.

This family is the most giving family that I know. Heather and David would literally give you what ever they had if you needed it. They helped me out while I was married and more so now that I am not. They opened their home to me and gave me a room and a car. I am so blessed that they have been so willing to help me and they haven't asked for anything in return.  I will one day pay the back for all of their generosity and love.

I just want you guys to know that I love you. And that I am so glad that we crossed paths.

You guys are amazing....

(This was written while I was across the room from Heather...also asking her spelling questions..I told you guys she is AMAZING!!!)

-KP

Praying...and answers

So I posted a little bit about this on Facebook and my blog. If you haven't read the being angry with God post please read it, its a few post down from this.

So I have been going to this non-denominational church and by going I mean I have been there like a few times.(This church is called Catalyst  it is in Colfax, WA, if you're interested). Once a month they do this thing called elevate, it is at night on a Sunday evening, they play music and have a Worship, its an hour and half filled with love and feeling the Spirit. 

(For my LDS readers, I firmly believe that you can feel the spirit in any church...do not want to debate it ) 

I was hesitant to go, I have been telling people I would go and then I would make up some lame excuse not go. Well this past Sunday I went and oh my goodness... I felt the love from my Heavenly Father so much, It seriously felt like a warm hug. I prayed harder, with more passion and with more desire then I have ever in my life. I prayed that he would take my broken heart and heal it. I prayed that he would take all my anger away and that he would heal my heart from being hurt. I prayed that he would take my sadness and hurt and make it joy. That I could take my sadness and learn from it and that it would no longer brother me.

I can honestly tell you that this morning when I woke up, I felt in a better mood then I had in along time and I felt that a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Am i totally fixed/healed? No. Will I be? Of course!

It took years for this pain and anger to build and it will take time to heal, but I know I am on the right path. I know that I am blessed with a loving Heavenly Father who loves me an knows my name. I know that Jesus dies upon the cross for me.  I know that he felt every single pain that I am feeling. I know that he knows my heart better than anyone else and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Thank you to all who encouraged me to go last night and who are there for me. It truly means the world to me. 

-KP

Being angry with God

Being angry with God

Yes I said being angry with God.

Have you ever been angry with God? How did you handle it?

Did you talk to him about it or give him the silent treatment? Did you pray to him still? Worship and praise him still?

I have been angry with God for a while now. How did I handle, I ignored him, didn’t pick up my scriptures, stopped going to church and turned a deaf ear to anything he was trying to tell me. 

I can tell you now that the only one I hurt by doing the above-mentioned things was ME.  God was still there trying to talk to me and trying to let me know he loved me, I ignored all the attempts. He put people in my life that were trying to lead me back to him and I pushed them away and made empty promises to them.

I was angry because MY life wasn’t going the way I wanted it to go.  I had forgotten in my angry that my life doesn’t follow my plan but HIS. MY life has a glorious plan and HE knows where those paths go. I had selfishly said to him “ I don’t care what you have in store for me this isn’t the path I wanted to be on”.

I never wanted a divorce, I wanted my first marriage to be my only marriage but that isn’t the path I was on. I needed to learn things from my first marriage things that I didn’t know about myself. God knew this, while I did not.  Had I trusted him fully with all my heart, I wouldn’t be writing this blog.

I want more than anything to be a mother and I had two precious angels given to me then ripped away before I even got to hold them.  I was angry and sad that he would give me such an amazing gift such a glorious gift and then take it back so soon. My heartaches to this day for those angels of mine.  I know there was a reason for that, and I am now trusting in God to let me know those reasons when the time is right.

Being angry with God is a choice we make.  Again it’s a choice we make. We should come to him with our anger, our sorrows, and our sadness and let him heal us from the inside out.

He loves us; he is there for us. We have everything because of him and his love for us.

As any child gets angry with there parents, I think he expects us to get angry how we handle that anger is the choice we make.

I am no longer angry with God. I have talked it out with his so to say.

I hope this helps you guys, and kind of clarifies the angry with God part of the last blog I wrote.

-KP

What I learned from my marriage

Well those that actually read this lol... I am officially divorced...yep its over... my short lived marriage is legally over.

 Never did I think my marriage wouldn’t even make it to 3 yrs.... Never did I think that I would be divorced at 26 I thought I would be a mom by now.... I thought we would be happy living in a home with the white picket fence...Those were my dreams and I was angry with Heavenly Father for a long time for it.

I prayed and Prayed that marrying Seth was the right thing and I know with all my heart and soul that he said Yes, marry this man. As I have pondered this so many times over and over again, I realize that I did get the Yes I had heard but never did he say Seth was going to be my husband forever and never did I ask that, never did Heavenly Father say that I would be a mother to Seth's kids here in this life. Never did he promise me a fairytale.

 What I have learned from my divorce, (I spent a lot of time thinking and pondering this...this blog as taken me months to write)

 1. Never settle for less then you deserve no matter what aspect that maybe.
 2. Be true to your heart, never let any one tell you your heart is wrong
 3. Be honest with yourself, never lie to yourself, don’t try convincing yourself that you should stay were you don’t want to be
 4. Being divorced doesn’t mean I failed my marriage
5. Be faithful in an relationships you are in, don’t cheat and don’t commit acts of lust
 6. No matter what others say, you have to make the decision to stay or leave
7. Abuse is never okay.. No matter if it is physical, verbal, and sexual its never okay no matter what the excuse is
 8. Know someone for longer than 4 months before you marry, I know everyone is so quick to get married these days but don’t rush it…take the time to really get to know that person
 9. Not all of it was bad there were good times and good memories and you are allowed to hold on to those
 10. Take your time to get over it; there is no time limit on how long it takes to get over a marriage take however long you need.
 11. Take advice from those who have been in your shoes.
 12. This is most important read your scriptures and listen to that still small voice, pray, pray a lot, it will help I promise.

 This list isn’t complete but its just a few things I have learned. This world is hard and we go through so many struggles, hardships, heartaches and lessons, all of which are learning experiences. Learn from them all. Look for the positive in all things that come your way. Keep your head up and try to not get discouraged. Keep your faith and let your light shine no one can put out your light but you. You are loved, wanted and needed.

 As always I am here for any of you.

 I know my divorce happened for a reason, I may not know that reason right now but I know that my life is in Heavenly Fathers hands. I trust him to lead me to where I belong. -KP

Dear Stephanie, it's been a year

Dear Steph,

Wow. I can't believe that it's been a year. So much as happened this past year that I wish you were here for.

I still hope to see an update or text from you. I miss you oh so much. You're at peace though now, a peace you much needed.  I miss our giggle fits, our talks.

I still feel guilty, guilty I wasn't there, I feel guilty you were alone. I wish I could have taken some of pain away.

I do know you are at peace. I know you know feel the love that you were looking for.

Steph, you may have left this physical world but you are not forgotten.  I will make sure your story goes around the world.

I love you girl. Keep looking out for me.

Love ya,

-Kendra

Life Update

Well life is crazy lol am loving WA. I love my new job I have been in training or the last 4 weeks. I have a few more weeks but so far so good. I am still staying with Heather and her family. They have helped me so much and have given and all of thier support.I will be internally grateful for thier friendship. Not much else is new. I did put a hold on school just until I am done learning about all the insurance stuff. Life is good.

Washington trip.... (post 1)

Oh my goodness,  I forgot how much I love this place. It's killing me that I will have to leave.

I am having an awesome time, meeting new friends seeing old ones and catching up.

Man....I love this place.

I know that Heavenly Father had is hand in a few things that have happened this trip. I am grateful for his love and all that he has put in my life.

Enjoy the pictures :)