Going to the Temple

So most of you know that I went to the Temple for the first time. I did baptism for the dead. (For you who aren't  LDS people we do baptism for relatives of ours that have passed away so that they have an opportunity to accept Christ and the gospel.)

It was the most AMAZING experience. To be able to stand in for those that did not have the chance to be baptized  here on earth. I felt so peaceful and loved there. It is very hard to put it into words the excitement that I felt.

I know that Heavenly Father was there and I know that those that I was baptized for are grateful to have their work done here for them. It was one of the best experiences of my life and how awesome is it that I got to experience it with my most amazingly awesome husband.

Jance is such an amazing support and I am so excited to keep going to the Temple with him. I am also super excited to be on this crazy adventure of life with him. Jance is amazing and I am blessed to be his wife.

I am so grateful for him and all the things he does for me. Jance is seriously the most caring, loving guy that Heavenly Father could have blessed me with. I am so madly deeply in love with him. I am so excited to see where this life takes us and I know that whatever comes our way we will overcome it together because we are amazing!!

The Temple was amazing and I am blessed that I was able to go.

7 Months...

So I should be doing homework but here it is at midnight and I am writing a blog. I am procrastinating doing homework because as most of you know I am the Queen of procrastinating.

So every once in a while I go back and re-read my Journal. I try to write in it everyday but I get about every other day or so.

Anyways I was reading yesterday about the first night Jance came over and the night he asked me to be his girlfriend. I am going to share what I wrote which is a first for me.

This is what I wrote:

1/12/2015

So I meet Jance Mathia a few months back but we started talking yesterday and he asked me to be his girlfriend I said YES!!!!

I have honestly never felt this way with anyone. I love him. We are talking about getting married. :)

I just hope it is not too good to be true.

He truly is amazing and I love him.

It is crazy that it has only been yesterday and today and I never want to be without Jance. He is amazing and excepts me for who I am.

He does not care about my past or any mistakes I have made. He has my heart. I do not know how he was able to get it but he did and I am glad. I love him with all I have and all I am. I hope and pray that he is mine to keep forever.

We said 4 months till we get married....he will properly purpose soon...I just do not know when.

I am truly blessed to have him. He makes me feel things I did not know I could or would feel.

I never thought this would ever happen but I am sure glad it did.

He is the best!!!

That is what I wrote about Jance the day he asked me to marry him. I know I have said/typed it a lot but I am truly blessed to be married to Jance and I am blessed to be a Mathia. I have learned so very much from the entire family, I am truly grateful for each and every one of them.

I am so in love with Jance and that love just keeps growing and growing and growing. I love him so very much :)

Thank you Jance for seeing past all my flaws and seeing the person that I could be. Thank you for making me finally see my worth and for opening my eyes to the love that Heavenly Father has for me. Thank you for being a worthy Priesthood holder. Thank you for taking care of me and thank you for loving me. You truly are amazing and I am one lucky gal. I am so blessed to be your wife. Thank you for loving me for me and for always being there when I need you. Thank you for seeing me as beautiful when I feel like a huge ugly mess. You are the greatest and I love you to the moon and back.

-K

Counting Blessings and Learning Lessons

I have been so happy lately and I have been counting my blessings.

I am so blessed to live where I live and to have a home with family who love and care about me. I am so grateful for all the love and service I have gotten since I got here.

I am blessed with the most gracious and loving husband I could have ever asked for. Jance is so much more than I thought I deserved.

I am grateful for those that have shown me the love the Heavenly Father has for me. I am grateful that you have taught me that I am worth something and that I am beautiful the way I am.

It is amazing the amount of damage that negative words have on someone. Healing from that damage has taken me quite a while, but I am amazingly proud of myself for the amount of change that I have already accomplished. I still have a ways to go but I am better than I was.

I am blessed with a wonderful opportunity to work from home and that is allowing me to go to school. I am following my dreams and it is amazing to have an awesome husband who supports those dreams.

I am blessed to finally be on the road to becoming healthy. I am thankful for all the love and support.

Another huge blessing in my life is having worthy Priesthood holders around me. I love that Jance is a worthy priesthood holder but is amazing that his brothers and father are also around to give blessings and counsel when needed.

I am blessed in so very many more ways. I am loving life. I am actually truly happy and that feeling is amazing. I wish I could pass it on to others.

I have also learned that Heavenly Father knows me better than I know me and he knows what I need and when I needed it better than I do. Everything is in his time not mine. I am grateful for the Gospel and all the many many many blessings it has brought into my life.

Life is amazing right now and I am loving it, I am truly blessed.

Following Heavenly Father's Plan

Well as most of you know I am starting school on August 3rd. I am beyond excited!!!!

It is amazing that I have Jance full support on this. It will be amazing to not only start but to finish and to get a degree. I am going to Allied American University they are accredited I wouldn't be going there if they werent.

I am getting my Bachelors in Business Management. I don't know exactly what I will use it for but that is where I feel Heavenly Father is leading me. Jance and I have prayed about it and feel this is the right thing for us to do.

Another little story about Heavenly Father knows where you are needed more than we know.

I have been applying for jobs but was worried about working out of the home and being able to get good grades. No one was calling me back on any of the applications or resumes that I have turned in,
I was beginning to get frustrated because we needed me to be bringing in some income about 200.00 a month, so I was looking for a very part time job. Low and behold I was needed at home to help around here by doing something very important. As soon as my in laws brought the idea to me I felt like that is why I was not finding a job outside the house.

I am loving the path Jance and I are on right now. Life is wonderful and we can face whatever comes at us. Jance is an amazing supporter and  very loving and caring, It is amazing to feel the support from not only him but from the family that is around us.

I am so blessed and so excited to start this journey of getting my degree.

6 months....

WOW!!! Jance and I have been married for 6 months!

Six of the most amazing months of my life. In the last six months I have learned a lot about family love and the priesthood.

One I am thankful that Jance choose me to be his wife. I am so beyond grateful for him. I truly believe Heavenly Father placed us in each others paths that fateful day,

Jance has taught me so much about what true love is. He taught me what a true marriage is supposed to feel like. He is so amazing if you dont know him you should.

These past six months I have learned so much.

I have learned that no matter how "far gone" yo think you are from Heavenly Father he still loves you and wants to see you succeed there is no such that has being too far gone from him.

I have learned what its like to have worthy priesthood holders around. Men that are willing and worthy to use it,

I have learned that I am so very loved.

I also gained a family six months ago a family I am so blessed and grateful to have.

I am so happy in life. I honestly never thought that I could be this happy. I never thought I was worth the kind of love I am getting now. I love life.

I am so beyond bless to be able to go to church and teach primary. I love reading scriptures and praying with my Jance.

I can not wait for the next six months to go by so that Jance and I can get sealed and be an eternal family. I know that this church is true and I know that Heavenly Father loves me and I know that he has blessed me to be a part of this family. I love the gospel and and all the many blessings that I have received.

I am in love with Jance and loving life.

I love you Jance and cant wait to celebrate forever with you!!!

Super Glue and Polish

A year ago I posted this quote:

"One day, someone with super glue and polish will come along and not see you as damaged but as a beautiful mess. They will work with you to pick up the pieces and polish them and glue them back into place. This person will love you for what you have gone through and will be there for you no matter what. One day that person will come along...One day...not today but one day....." -Unknown

It’s crazy how much can happen in just one year.

Last year I was going through a divorce and it was one of the hardest things I have been through. I came out of that marriage broken and damaged. I didn't feel pretty or cute. I felt fat and ugly. I was at my highest weight of 220. I was sick and I didn't know why, and the doctors didn't know either. (We are just now figuring it all out).

At that point in my life I did not know if I would or wanted to get married again.

I got of gluten and lost some weight. (Still want to lose a bit more)

I was lost and losing faith in myself and doubting the truths I know. I started getting my faith back, and started going to the YSA ward in Nov.

I saw Jance at an FHE, I was too chicken to talk to him. I was struggling with a few things still and didn't have the strength to be rejected so I did not talk to him. It would be a few more months until he came back in to my life in the exact way that Heavenly Father had planned it.

A year ago I never thought that there was someone out there that would love me and all my baggage. Boy, was I wrong. Jance had the heavy duty super glue and the best polish anyone could have gotten. He helped and is still helping me glue and polish my broken but beautiful mess.

I know I say it a lot on here but he truly is the best husband. Jance is amazing and I can’t believe how much changes in just one year.

I am excited to see where this next year brings us.

-Kendra

P.S.

THIS IS MY 50TH BLOG POST!!!!

Feeling Like Myself Again

Feeling like myself again.

That is my sentence of the week. I have been in a spiral that was going down and kept going down. I took a lot of patience from a lot of people to get me out of that spiral.

Lately people have been giving me crap about how open I am about my anxiety, my depression and my PTSD, but if sharing my story helps others find hope or strength I will continue to share.

I am finally figuring out how to be happy and how to not let what others say affect me. Yes it took twenty seven and half years but it is silly to let others dictate how you live. Not everyone will like you and that is okay.

You make choices and every choice has a consequence, good or bad, it has one. For example:

Jance and I eloped: We are in love and we followed the prompting we received. We have been blessed. Some bad: Not everyone was okay with that choice and that's okay because the only people that need to be okay with it are Jance and myself. Don't get me wrong we are very appreciative of all the love and support that we have gotten.

I am sick of it being thrown in my face that we eloped and I am sick of people saying that we didn't follow the spirit. We did. Heavenly Father is amazing and has shown Jance and I that we are meant to be together despite those hoping we will fail. We will not fail because this is it. He is the one. I love him and nothing is ever going to change that.

So I am no longer letting if people agreed with us eloping or not get to me because carrying that around is not healthy. I have nothing to feel guilty over. I do not need any ones approval of how we got married or of me. They either like me or they don't. That is their choice and they will have to live the consequence.

Jance and I will be sealed and it will be amazingly awesome. We love each other and Heavenly Father knows what's in our hearts. I am loving life. I am loving the blessings that are coming from Heavenly Father. I love my in laws , Jance family is awesome.

I am letting go of fear and letting go of self doubt and self hatred. I do this self destruct thing (Jance hates it) I hate that I do that to myself. I am now trying to stop that, it's not healthy.

So I am feeling like myself again. It is awesome and amazing. I am glad to be back to myself and I know Jance is too.

Thank you for all the support and love. I love you guys!!!

-Kendra