FHE....(a short one)

So I was promoted today to go to FHE... (Family home evening) in Pullman...its an hour away from where I live so I left in ample time to get there..early enough that I would have been 20 minutes early.

Well I wasnt 20 minutes early I was nearly an hour late. I was about to head home when I got the feeling that I should try a few more times to find the building,  Well I finally got there and It was AMAZING!!!! We played apple to apples and it was good, I felt welcomed and not judged.

Not one person mentioned my tattoos or anything. It was amazing.

I am excited to finally be in a ward that is not judge-mental. I felt super good and loved.

I love the Lord :).

-KP  

Thoughts in my head

Well my head is full of thoughts as it usually is on nights like tonight and last night ....nights I can't sleep.

Life is going okay. Been blessed beyond measure in ways that are just amazing. Wish my health was a bit better but can't complain to much. The Lord has blessed me with amazing Doctors and put me in good hands.

I have been thrift store shopping a lot lately.  Most of my wardrobe that I have here in WA has come from thrift stores. There are a few thrift store in towns close to me that actually have thrift store prices. I have got so used to deals that are really cheap (in the good way) that Goodwill is to expensive for me lol.

My head has been so filled with the, What am I doing with my life? Where is my life going?Will another man love me?  Will another man find the beauty I have with in?
Who will answer these questions?

I have bills to pay and not enough money....I have spending problems and advice is much appreciated.

I have started nannying for 2 families so hopefully I can get those bills caught up.

Other than all my questions I am loving life.

-KP

Wonderful, Loving, Giving...The Roduner Family

Every once in a while you are blessed with amazing people, or an amazing person or family in your life.....

I have been beyond blessed to not only know Heather and David and the boys but I have become apart of their family. They have blessed me in so many wonderful ways it hard to find words to describe it but that is what I am going to try to do in this post.

(Heather I apologize now for making you cry)

I have learned so much from this beautiful family, more than they probably know or realize. I have learned what a loving and fun marriage looks like, that all family's struggle, and that its not about the struggle but how you get through it. I have learned patience ( thanks boys).

They have also brought ME back, let me explain a little bit, I was living in a shell of myself, faking a smile only a few people could get my real smile and real emotions out: Jessica Ward, Scott Ward and of course Alix Marie, and finally my Carter Bug , and The Roduner's...especially Heather. ( I miss the Ward family so so so so much but that for a different post) They brought my life back and brought my smile back and let me be sad when I needed it. They showed me Jesus's love for me.

This family is the most giving family that I know. Heather and David would literally give you what ever they had if you needed it. They helped me out while I was married and more so now that I am not. They opened their home to me and gave me a room and a car. I am so blessed that they have been so willing to help me and they haven't asked for anything in return.  I will one day pay the back for all of their generosity and love.

I just want you guys to know that I love you. And that I am so glad that we crossed paths.

You guys are amazing....

(This was written while I was across the room from Heather...also asking her spelling questions..I told you guys she is AMAZING!!!)

-KP

Praying...and answers

So I posted a little bit about this on Facebook and my blog. If you haven't read the being angry with God post please read it, its a few post down from this.

So I have been going to this non-denominational church and by going I mean I have been there like a few times.(This church is called Catalyst  it is in Colfax, WA, if you're interested). Once a month they do this thing called elevate, it is at night on a Sunday evening, they play music and have a Worship, its an hour and half filled with love and feeling the Spirit. 

(For my LDS readers, I firmly believe that you can feel the spirit in any church...do not want to debate it ) 

I was hesitant to go, I have been telling people I would go and then I would make up some lame excuse not go. Well this past Sunday I went and oh my goodness... I felt the love from my Heavenly Father so much, It seriously felt like a warm hug. I prayed harder, with more passion and with more desire then I have ever in my life. I prayed that he would take my broken heart and heal it. I prayed that he would take all my anger away and that he would heal my heart from being hurt. I prayed that he would take my sadness and hurt and make it joy. That I could take my sadness and learn from it and that it would no longer brother me.

I can honestly tell you that this morning when I woke up, I felt in a better mood then I had in along time and I felt that a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Am i totally fixed/healed? No. Will I be? Of course!

It took years for this pain and anger to build and it will take time to heal, but I know I am on the right path. I know that I am blessed with a loving Heavenly Father who loves me an knows my name. I know that Jesus dies upon the cross for me.  I know that he felt every single pain that I am feeling. I know that he knows my heart better than anyone else and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Thank you to all who encouraged me to go last night and who are there for me. It truly means the world to me. 

-KP