Super Glue and Polish

A year ago I posted this quote:

"One day, someone with super glue and polish will come along and not see you as damaged but as a beautiful mess. They will work with you to pick up the pieces and polish them and glue them back into place. This person will love you for what you have gone through and will be there for you no matter what. One day that person will come along...One day...not today but one day....." -Unknown

It’s crazy how much can happen in just one year.

Last year I was going through a divorce and it was one of the hardest things I have been through. I came out of that marriage broken and damaged. I didn't feel pretty or cute. I felt fat and ugly. I was at my highest weight of 220. I was sick and I didn't know why, and the doctors didn't know either. (We are just now figuring it all out).

At that point in my life I did not know if I would or wanted to get married again.

I got of gluten and lost some weight. (Still want to lose a bit more)

I was lost and losing faith in myself and doubting the truths I know. I started getting my faith back, and started going to the YSA ward in Nov.

I saw Jance at an FHE, I was too chicken to talk to him. I was struggling with a few things still and didn't have the strength to be rejected so I did not talk to him. It would be a few more months until he came back in to my life in the exact way that Heavenly Father had planned it.

A year ago I never thought that there was someone out there that would love me and all my baggage. Boy, was I wrong. Jance had the heavy duty super glue and the best polish anyone could have gotten. He helped and is still helping me glue and polish my broken but beautiful mess.

I know I say it a lot on here but he truly is the best husband. Jance is amazing and I can’t believe how much changes in just one year.

I am excited to see where this next year brings us.

-Kendra

P.S.

THIS IS MY 50TH BLOG POST!!!!

Feeling Like Myself Again

Feeling like myself again.

That is my sentence of the week. I have been in a spiral that was going down and kept going down. I took a lot of patience from a lot of people to get me out of that spiral.

Lately people have been giving me crap about how open I am about my anxiety, my depression and my PTSD, but if sharing my story helps others find hope or strength I will continue to share.

I am finally figuring out how to be happy and how to not let what others say affect me. Yes it took twenty seven and half years but it is silly to let others dictate how you live. Not everyone will like you and that is okay.

You make choices and every choice has a consequence, good or bad, it has one. For example:

Jance and I eloped: We are in love and we followed the prompting we received. We have been blessed. Some bad: Not everyone was okay with that choice and that's okay because the only people that need to be okay with it are Jance and myself. Don't get me wrong we are very appreciative of all the love and support that we have gotten.

I am sick of it being thrown in my face that we eloped and I am sick of people saying that we didn't follow the spirit. We did. Heavenly Father is amazing and has shown Jance and I that we are meant to be together despite those hoping we will fail. We will not fail because this is it. He is the one. I love him and nothing is ever going to change that.

So I am no longer letting if people agreed with us eloping or not get to me because carrying that around is not healthy. I have nothing to feel guilty over. I do not need any ones approval of how we got married or of me. They either like me or they don't. That is their choice and they will have to live the consequence.

Jance and I will be sealed and it will be amazingly awesome. We love each other and Heavenly Father knows what's in our hearts. I am loving life. I am loving the blessings that are coming from Heavenly Father. I love my in laws , Jance family is awesome.

I am letting go of fear and letting go of self doubt and self hatred. I do this self destruct thing (Jance hates it) I hate that I do that to myself. I am now trying to stop that, it's not healthy.

So I am feeling like myself again. It is awesome and amazing. I am glad to be back to myself and I know Jance is too.

Thank you for all the support and love. I love you guys!!!

-Kendra

One Year Later

A year ago tomorrow I came back to Washington for a visit. I came here with the intention of going back to Arizona. When I got here I was waiting for my divorce to be finalized. As i reflect on this past year and that vacation that ended up making me live here, I cant help but see all of the amazing blessings that I have received from following the promptings that I have received.

Heavenly Father is truly amazing!!

I never planned on staying here, others thought that I might end up staying here but I never thought that I would end up staying here. I had no idea of why I was staying but I stayed.

Over the past year, I have had some struggles and some pain but I have also triumphed over obstacles that I never thought I would have been able too.

I never thought that I would be married to an amazing man who wants to take me to the Temple. I never thought that I would have found someone who loves me for me and isn't trying to make me change.

A year ago, I was very very sad and trying to hide it. I faked a smile and pretended to be okay. Now I am not pretending anymore. I am truly very very very very happy and no one can take it from me. I am living life and have an amazing Husband and a great family and I am so glad I am not the women I was a year ago. I am very different then I was a year ago. I am so very very different and I thank God that I have changed and that I have a a good relationship with him.

I love life and I am very excited to be on this journey. I am so glad that I am no longer drinking to hide feelings and thoughts. I am blessed that I no longer need to rely on alcohol. I am glad that I am finally getting healthy.  

I am handling my anxiety and depression and PTSD, for once it does not have a handle on me. I am in control of it and I have learned so much of how to handle it and how to not let it bug me so much. Most will not understand that and that is okay.

I am so grateful that I decided to follow the promptings that I received and decided not to leave. I love Washington and what it has taught me and the blessings that I have received while I have been here.

-Kendra

5 Months and so much more

Well as of yesterday Jance and I have been married for 5 amazing months. I love Jance so very very much. Jance is the most amazing husband, he is the greatest husband that I could have ever asked for. Jance has helped me grow in so many ways. I am truly grateful and honored to be his wife.

Jance has helped me learn so much about myself. He has also taught me so much about the Gospel and about Heavenly Father. Jance is the greatest teacher, and I am so blessed that he his a worthy priesthood holder. It is such a gift to be able to ask my husband for blessings.

I have gotten my limited use Temple recommend.(If you aren't sure what that is please please please ask). I have never been there before so I am excited to be able to enter that sacred and holy place so that I can have those experiences and the best part is Jance gets to be there and experience it with me.

I am truly blessed to be able to go there with my husband. The Bishop has said that her in Oct-Nov I can get my endowments out and then in January,,,,Jance and I will be able to be sealed.(If you don't know what I am talking about please ask or visit Mormon.org)

These past five months have been the best of my life. I am not saying that my marriage is perfect because lets face it no ones marriage or life is perfect but mine is perfect for me. I am glad to be traveling down this road with Jance.

I love him so very much and I cant wait until I am celebrating 50 years of marriage with such an incredible man. Jance is truly the best. He is so amazingly perfect for me. Heavenly Father is truly amazing and he knows exactly what we need and when we need it. Heavenly Father gave me Jance, he put him in my life right at the right time. I wasn't looking for dates or even planned on getting married but Heavenly Father knew what I needed and he helped me and Jance know that his hand was (and is) in our marriage and the planning of it.

Jance has been my rock. He is amazing and the things he has taught me have been well amazing.

I know that Heavenly Father has been with me and he still is. I know that Heavenly Father hears my prayers. I know that Jesus died for my sins and the sins of the world. I know that we are to follow his commandments not as rules but as commandments to keep us holy. I am very glad that Heavenly Father and Jesus love me so very much that they are there for me no matter what I am going through. Heavenly Father has given me so very many wonderful blessings. Jance is the one of those blessings.I am so truly blessed that we have the Gift of the Holy Ghost and that we are able to receive promptings from it and that we are able to be follow those promptings while using our agency. I will forever be grateful and thankful that Jance and I were able to follow the promptings we received and got married when we did. I know that Heavenly Father wanted us to get married. I know that we are amazing children of Heavenly Father. I know that Joseph Smith was and is a true prophet of God. I know that this church is true. I say this in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

I was not planning on bearing my testimony but there it is for you. I am so in love with Jance and have an amazing relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus.

Until next time.....

-Kendra