Mental Illness

So we all know that I have and live with Mental Illness.

I have four mental illness, yes four, diagnoses. I have GAD which stands for General Anxiety Disorder, OCD which means Obsessive Compulsion Disorder, PTSD which is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Depression, I also have Chronic Illness.  

I chose to say that I live with these not that I suffer from them. They do control a lot of the things that I do and places I go. I am in counseling and I see my doctor very often.

While many people may be diagnosed with GAD not one of us is the same. Our disorders affect each other in very different ways.

I dealt with a lot of my illnesses alone for many years. Just this past year or so is when I started being vocal about them. I feel like now that the people around me see what I go through that it would help and it has. My triggers are well known to my friends and family, usually they will see a trigger first and protect me from whatever it maybe. I also have an amazing husband who deals with my disorders every single day. He is so supportive and it helps.

If I had to chose which one is worse it would most definitely be the OCD. I have a very strict morning routine that I must do before I can do anything else. I have to pick up the house, do dishes, make the bed and put laundry away. I must do these things before I leave, before I shower, before anything. They must be done and if they are not done I am a mess for the day.

My anxiety can hit me at any given moment, I do not like going places alone new things and change are very hard for me to come around too. Sometimes I will have to rock back and forth to comfort myself and if one of my supports are near they will come wrap their arms around me and squeeze it kind of is like my reset button.

Every single day is a fight for me. I fight myself on everything. I am often very exhausted at the end of the day. I fight to get things done. I have to use my energy very sparingly and very carefully. I use the Spoon method which helps so much. I am allowed 25 spoons a day and when they are gone they are gone. Each activity represents a certain amount of spoons, for example taking a shower is 4 spoons if i shave my legs its 6, doing homework is 3, dishes are 3 the list goes on and on. I plan my day in the morning so that I can divide up spoons as needed.

Having Anxiety along with Depression is one of the hardest things I deal with. The work together to try and bring me down. Some days they win and some days I win. Like I said every day is a fight.

All of that being said I am way more than my diagnoses. I am a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a daughter in law, a sister in law. I am not just my illnesses they are apart of me but they do not define me.

There is a stigma that surrounds Mental Illness and I hope one day we can overcome that. Mental illness is just that an illness.

Please if you read this and need help with your feelings etc please reach out to someone. I promise it will help. Do not let your illness win. You can overcome it and learn how to live with it instead of it dictating to you. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Please if you read this, try to not look down at those of us who have Mental Illnesses. Do not say that you should just get over it, just be happy or its all in your head. We criticize ourselves enough we do not need it from outside sources.

Thank you for reading. Be kind to each other you never know the struggles that others are fighting.