Wow this year has gone by super fast.
As I reflect on where I was physically, mentally and emotionally I can tell I have grown in all aspects of my life.
I feel so much closer to my Father in Heaven. I know that the gospel is true. I am so excited to get sealed to Jance (no we do not have a day set yet). Life is hard but so amazing.
These past 11 months have changed my world in such an amazing way. This year always brings up bad memories, it has definitely been a better Christmas season. Last year I cooked for about 12, I had an amazing day but I felt incredibly sad and alone ( I also was not living the way I should have).
I never thought that I was worthy for a man like Jance. He is the most amazing husband and as we wait for Christmas to get here so that we can see if we will have a little bundle of joy I know that he will be an amazing dad. I am so grateful that Jance walked into my life.
In other news, as most of you know my Step Father and I have never really seen eye to eye. I have been praying and praying about how to fix it and it came clear as day to call him my DAD. He was/is my dad. He provided for me, was there for me when I thought he would hate me. I was a terrible teenager (I won't get into what I did just know I was bad), I treated him like crap, pulled the you aren't my real Dad routine, I hurt him. Now as I type this with tears running down my face, I truly regret how bad I was. I guess we grow with age. I regret that because of my actions its taken us years to become close. He is my Dad and he always will be.
He danced the daddy daughter dance with me at both my weddings. He has seen me at my absolute worst and still loved me. He was always there even when I wouldn't let him be. Dad if you read this (I am hoping mom will show you) please know that I am sorry and I do love you.
I am so blessed that he is in my life.
I cannot wait to see where this next year takes not only me but Jance as well.
Monday, 21 December 2015
Monday, 7 December 2015
Mental Illness
So we all know that I have and live with Mental Illness.
I have four mental illness, yes four, diagnoses. I have GAD which stands for General Anxiety Disorder, OCD which means Obsessive Compulsion Disorder, PTSD which is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Depression, I also have Chronic Illness.
I chose to say that I live with these not that I suffer from them. They do control a lot of the things that I do and places I go. I am in counseling and I see my doctor very often.
While many people may be diagnosed with GAD not one of us is the same. Our disorders affect each other in very different ways.
I dealt with a lot of my illnesses alone for many years. Just this past year or so is when I started being vocal about them. I feel like now that the people around me see what I go through that it would help and it has. My triggers are well known to my friends and family, usually they will see a trigger first and protect me from whatever it maybe. I also have an amazing husband who deals with my disorders every single day. He is so supportive and it helps.
If I had to chose which one is worse it would most definitely be the OCD. I have a very strict morning routine that I must do before I can do anything else. I have to pick up the house, do dishes, make the bed and put laundry away. I must do these things before I leave, before I shower, before anything. They must be done and if they are not done I am a mess for the day.
My anxiety can hit me at any given moment, I do not like going places alone new things and change are very hard for me to come around too. Sometimes I will have to rock back and forth to comfort myself and if one of my supports are near they will come wrap their arms around me and squeeze it kind of is like my reset button.
Every single day is a fight for me. I fight myself on everything. I am often very exhausted at the end of the day. I fight to get things done. I have to use my energy very sparingly and very carefully. I use the Spoon method which helps so much. I am allowed 25 spoons a day and when they are gone they are gone. Each activity represents a certain amount of spoons, for example taking a shower is 4 spoons if i shave my legs its 6, doing homework is 3, dishes are 3 the list goes on and on. I plan my day in the morning so that I can divide up spoons as needed.
Having Anxiety along with Depression is one of the hardest things I deal with. The work together to try and bring me down. Some days they win and some days I win. Like I said every day is a fight.
All of that being said I am way more than my diagnoses. I am a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a daughter in law, a sister in law. I am not just my illnesses they are apart of me but they do not define me.
There is a stigma that surrounds Mental Illness and I hope one day we can overcome that. Mental illness is just that an illness.
Please if you read this and need help with your feelings etc please reach out to someone. I promise it will help. Do not let your illness win. You can overcome it and learn how to live with it instead of it dictating to you. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Please if you read this, try to not look down at those of us who have Mental Illnesses. Do not say that you should just get over it, just be happy or its all in your head. We criticize ourselves enough we do not need it from outside sources.
Thank you for reading. Be kind to each other you never know the struggles that others are fighting.
I have four mental illness, yes four, diagnoses. I have GAD which stands for General Anxiety Disorder, OCD which means Obsessive Compulsion Disorder, PTSD which is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Depression, I also have Chronic Illness.
I chose to say that I live with these not that I suffer from them. They do control a lot of the things that I do and places I go. I am in counseling and I see my doctor very often.
While many people may be diagnosed with GAD not one of us is the same. Our disorders affect each other in very different ways.
I dealt with a lot of my illnesses alone for many years. Just this past year or so is when I started being vocal about them. I feel like now that the people around me see what I go through that it would help and it has. My triggers are well known to my friends and family, usually they will see a trigger first and protect me from whatever it maybe. I also have an amazing husband who deals with my disorders every single day. He is so supportive and it helps.
If I had to chose which one is worse it would most definitely be the OCD. I have a very strict morning routine that I must do before I can do anything else. I have to pick up the house, do dishes, make the bed and put laundry away. I must do these things before I leave, before I shower, before anything. They must be done and if they are not done I am a mess for the day.
My anxiety can hit me at any given moment, I do not like going places alone new things and change are very hard for me to come around too. Sometimes I will have to rock back and forth to comfort myself and if one of my supports are near they will come wrap their arms around me and squeeze it kind of is like my reset button.
Every single day is a fight for me. I fight myself on everything. I am often very exhausted at the end of the day. I fight to get things done. I have to use my energy very sparingly and very carefully. I use the Spoon method which helps so much. I am allowed 25 spoons a day and when they are gone they are gone. Each activity represents a certain amount of spoons, for example taking a shower is 4 spoons if i shave my legs its 6, doing homework is 3, dishes are 3 the list goes on and on. I plan my day in the morning so that I can divide up spoons as needed.
Having Anxiety along with Depression is one of the hardest things I deal with. The work together to try and bring me down. Some days they win and some days I win. Like I said every day is a fight.
All of that being said I am way more than my diagnoses. I am a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a daughter in law, a sister in law. I am not just my illnesses they are apart of me but they do not define me.
There is a stigma that surrounds Mental Illness and I hope one day we can overcome that. Mental illness is just that an illness.
Please if you read this and need help with your feelings etc please reach out to someone. I promise it will help. Do not let your illness win. You can overcome it and learn how to live with it instead of it dictating to you. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Please if you read this, try to not look down at those of us who have Mental Illnesses. Do not say that you should just get over it, just be happy or its all in your head. We criticize ourselves enough we do not need it from outside sources.
Thank you for reading. Be kind to each other you never know the struggles that others are fighting.
Saturday, 21 November 2015
An Amazing Year
Wow....this year is flying by. As I reflect on this past year. I am amazed at how every step I took and every choice I made lead my straight to Jance.
I originally came to Washington for a visit. As I packed to go home, it just didn't feel right. I called my best sister-friend and she had a feeling that I would stay. I called Heather and she agreed to not only help me but allowed me to live with her.
I started going to the YSA ward in Pullman, I met with the Bishop and he said that I needed to pray about living in Pullman, before that meeting was over I knew I needed to live in Pullman.
A year ago, I saw Jance for the first time. He was sharing his talent of knife making. He was showing one of his knifes that was attached to his jeans under his motorcycle pants so he had too take off his motorcycle pants to show it.
I made it through the holidays.
I made some amazing friends, friends that helpped me grow in the gospel and as a person.
I went to church on January 11th, to talk with the Bishop. I wasn't feeling well, I was wearing a grey maxi skirt, tennis shoes and a hoodie. Jance talked with me for most of the block.
If you were to tell me that a year ago that I would be married to the man of my dreams, I would have laughed at you. I have been so amazingly blessed this past year.
I am happier than I ever have been. Jance is everything I never knew I needed. Jance has taught me so much. The whole Mathia/Nelson clan as taught me so much. I am grateful that I get to be apart of this amazing family.
I'm amazed and proud of how much I have done this past year. I would not be where I am today without all of the love and support from all of you.
Thank you all for always being there and giving me unconditional love.
Monday, 19 October 2015
9 months
Woohoo!! We have made it 9 entire months!! I am so in love with Jance.
So a little update:
We are on the road of infertility, I did a round of Clomid so we are praying that it works. I have never had the side affects that I had this round, I got the migraine and blurry vision it was terrible. I was/am hormonal and keep having to put myself in check.
Jance is being super amazing as usual.
I should be starting Physical Therapy here soon to help my back and hip and shoulder issues.
I am still blessed and I know that everything is in Heavenly Fathers hands and his time schedule. It is so hard to realize that and be patient.
Love you all.
So a little update:
We are on the road of infertility, I did a round of Clomid so we are praying that it works. I have never had the side affects that I had this round, I got the migraine and blurry vision it was terrible. I was/am hormonal and keep having to put myself in check.
Jance is being super amazing as usual.
I should be starting Physical Therapy here soon to help my back and hip and shoulder issues.
I am still blessed and I know that everything is in Heavenly Fathers hands and his time schedule. It is so hard to realize that and be patient.
Love you all.
Sunday, 20 September 2015
Learning to lean.....
So I have had my anxiety most my adult life, mix that with OCD, and PTSD it is not pretty. I have had to deal with it alone so having people I can talk to and lean on when I need them is something new to me.
I used to be ashamed of my issues, I would try so hard to hide it, and I definitely did not talk about it with anyone.
I started to talk more about it this past October. It has been amazing to have people that understand and that are truly there for me it has truly been amazing and I am loving it.
Jance is amazing and he helps me cope with it all. Some days are way harder than others and some days are the best.
I also have awesome in laws that understand and help me through bad days.
I have learned that I am perfect the way I am, I have learned to lean on others when I need them.
It has been an amazing blessing.
I am so thankful for all I am learning and I am truly amazed at the love I have been given.
Jance is a huge blessing and I am so grateful for him every day.
I used to be ashamed of my issues, I would try so hard to hide it, and I definitely did not talk about it with anyone.
I started to talk more about it this past October. It has been amazing to have people that understand and that are truly there for me it has truly been amazing and I am loving it.
Jance is amazing and he helps me cope with it all. Some days are way harder than others and some days are the best.
I also have awesome in laws that understand and help me through bad days.
I have learned that I am perfect the way I am, I have learned to lean on others when I need them.
It has been an amazing blessing.
I am so thankful for all I am learning and I am truly amazed at the love I have been given.
Jance is a huge blessing and I am so grateful for him every day.
Tuesday, 8 September 2015
8 months.....(almost)
So this week will mark 8 months since Jance and I have been married/Together. (Yes, I am one of those girls that counts the months.) Jance and I have been through a lot and have learned so very much. Jance is so amazingly awesome and I am so very blessed to be his wife.
We all know that I have some GAD, PTSD and a few other things. They are not easy to deal with but Jance has been so amazing at learning and helping me through it. Jance is so very kind and understanding about it. He has taken on so much, and he does not complain at all about it. He helps me through all my anxiety attacks and is just there for me.
These past 8 (almost) months have been the most amazing, most spiritual, and I have grown so very much. I am actually happy, the happiest I have ever been. Jance is a dream come true. I never thought that I would find someone like him. He is truly the best man that I could have ever asked for.
I am so very blessed that Heavenly Father put us in each others paths that day. I am grateful that Jance wants to be sealed to me and it is our goal. Jance is amazing and I am so very much in love.
I am excited for the our future. I am blessed to be his wife and I am blessed to be apart of his family.
I am loving life.
We all know that I have some GAD, PTSD and a few other things. They are not easy to deal with but Jance has been so amazing at learning and helping me through it. Jance is so very kind and understanding about it. He has taken on so much, and he does not complain at all about it. He helps me through all my anxiety attacks and is just there for me.
These past 8 (almost) months have been the most amazing, most spiritual, and I have grown so very much. I am actually happy, the happiest I have ever been. Jance is a dream come true. I never thought that I would find someone like him. He is truly the best man that I could have ever asked for.
I am so very blessed that Heavenly Father put us in each others paths that day. I am grateful that Jance wants to be sealed to me and it is our goal. Jance is amazing and I am so very much in love.
I am excited for the our future. I am blessed to be his wife and I am blessed to be apart of his family.
I am loving life.
Friday, 4 September 2015
Road trip.......
So Jance and I are on a business trip and we have had a case of bad luck we have had some issues with the trailer yesterday and today.
I have learned that life just seems to happen.
To smile through the bad and tough time.
Laugh through the bad and tough time and too look for the silver lining.
And last prayers work. (I already knew this but its nice to be reminded)
Jance and I have had so much time to talk, laugh giggle and most importantly pray together.
We have worked through these rough days side by side as a team. Jance has been so amazingly positive. His parents very very understanding of what's happening.
I am so happy that Heavenly Father gives us these "bad" days to show us how grateful we should be for the things around us and the things we have.
Tonight Jance and I needed to do laundry so we had to find a laundromat in a town we have never been in and stay there for a few hours to do laundry. It was hot and awkward, but Jance and I had a fun time.
We also needed to find a grocery store, which we found and were so grateful for.
I never realized how nice it is to know where the grocery store etc are.
I am so blessed in life.
I am grateful for each and every one of them.
Monday, 24 August 2015
Going to the Temple
So most of you know that I went to the Temple for the first time. I did baptism for the dead. (For you who aren't LDS people we do baptism for relatives of ours that have passed away so that they have an opportunity to accept Christ and the gospel.)
It was the most AMAZING experience. To be able to stand in for those that did not have the chance to be baptized here on earth. I felt so peaceful and loved there. It is very hard to put it into words the excitement that I felt.
I know that Heavenly Father was there and I know that those that I was baptized for are grateful to have their work done here for them. It was one of the best experiences of my life and how awesome is it that I got to experience it with my most amazingly awesome husband.
Jance is such an amazing support and I am so excited to keep going to the Temple with him. I am also super excited to be on this crazy adventure of life with him. Jance is amazing and I am blessed to be his wife.
I am so grateful for him and all the things he does for me. Jance is seriously the most caring, loving guy that Heavenly Father could have blessed me with. I am so madly deeply in love with him. I am so excited to see where this life takes us and I know that whatever comes our way we will overcome it together because we are amazing!!
The Temple was amazing and I am blessed that I was able to go.
It was the most AMAZING experience. To be able to stand in for those that did not have the chance to be baptized here on earth. I felt so peaceful and loved there. It is very hard to put it into words the excitement that I felt.
I know that Heavenly Father was there and I know that those that I was baptized for are grateful to have their work done here for them. It was one of the best experiences of my life and how awesome is it that I got to experience it with my most amazingly awesome husband.
Jance is such an amazing support and I am so excited to keep going to the Temple with him. I am also super excited to be on this crazy adventure of life with him. Jance is amazing and I am blessed to be his wife.
I am so grateful for him and all the things he does for me. Jance is seriously the most caring, loving guy that Heavenly Father could have blessed me with. I am so madly deeply in love with him. I am so excited to see where this life takes us and I know that whatever comes our way we will overcome it together because we are amazing!!
The Temple was amazing and I am blessed that I was able to go.
Tuesday, 11 August 2015
7 Months...
So I should be doing homework but here it is at midnight and I am writing a blog. I am procrastinating doing homework because as most of you know I am the Queen of procrastinating.
So every once in a while I go back and re-read my Journal. I try to write in it everyday but I get about every other day or so.
Anyways I was reading yesterday about the first night Jance came over and the night he asked me to be his girlfriend. I am going to share what I wrote which is a first for me.
This is what I wrote:
1/12/2015
So I meet Jance Mathia a few months back but we started talking yesterday and he asked me to be his girlfriend I said YES!!!!
I have honestly never felt this way with anyone. I love him. We are talking about getting married. :)
I just hope it is not too good to be true.
He truly is amazing and I love him.
It is crazy that it has only been yesterday and today and I never want to be without Jance. He is amazing and excepts me for who I am.
He does not care about my past or any mistakes I have made. He has my heart. I do not know how he was able to get it but he did and I am glad. I love him with all I have and all I am. I hope and pray that he is mine to keep forever.
We said 4 months till we get married....he will properly purpose soon...I just do not know when.
I am truly blessed to have him. He makes me feel things I did not know I could or would feel.
I never thought this would ever happen but I am sure glad it did.
He is the best!!!
That is what I wrote about Jance the day he asked me to marry him. I know I have said/typed it a lot but I am truly blessed to be married to Jance and I am blessed to be a Mathia. I have learned so very much from the entire family, I am truly grateful for each and every one of them.
I am so in love with Jance and that love just keeps growing and growing and growing. I love him so very much :)
Thank you Jance for seeing past all my flaws and seeing the person that I could be. Thank you for making me finally see my worth and for opening my eyes to the love that Heavenly Father has for me. Thank you for being a worthy Priesthood holder. Thank you for taking care of me and thank you for loving me. You truly are amazing and I am one lucky gal. I am so blessed to be your wife. Thank you for loving me for me and for always being there when I need you. Thank you for seeing me as beautiful when I feel like a huge ugly mess. You are the greatest and I love you to the moon and back.
-K
So every once in a while I go back and re-read my Journal. I try to write in it everyday but I get about every other day or so.
Anyways I was reading yesterday about the first night Jance came over and the night he asked me to be his girlfriend. I am going to share what I wrote which is a first for me.
This is what I wrote:
1/12/2015
So I meet Jance Mathia a few months back but we started talking yesterday and he asked me to be his girlfriend I said YES!!!!
I have honestly never felt this way with anyone. I love him. We are talking about getting married. :)
I just hope it is not too good to be true.
He truly is amazing and I love him.
It is crazy that it has only been yesterday and today and I never want to be without Jance. He is amazing and excepts me for who I am.
He does not care about my past or any mistakes I have made. He has my heart. I do not know how he was able to get it but he did and I am glad. I love him with all I have and all I am. I hope and pray that he is mine to keep forever.
We said 4 months till we get married....he will properly purpose soon...I just do not know when.
I am truly blessed to have him. He makes me feel things I did not know I could or would feel.
I never thought this would ever happen but I am sure glad it did.
He is the best!!!
That is what I wrote about Jance the day he asked me to marry him. I know I have said/typed it a lot but I am truly blessed to be married to Jance and I am blessed to be a Mathia. I have learned so very much from the entire family, I am truly grateful for each and every one of them.
I am so in love with Jance and that love just keeps growing and growing and growing. I love him so very much :)
Thank you Jance for seeing past all my flaws and seeing the person that I could be. Thank you for making me finally see my worth and for opening my eyes to the love that Heavenly Father has for me. Thank you for being a worthy Priesthood holder. Thank you for taking care of me and thank you for loving me. You truly are amazing and I am one lucky gal. I am so blessed to be your wife. Thank you for loving me for me and for always being there when I need you. Thank you for seeing me as beautiful when I feel like a huge ugly mess. You are the greatest and I love you to the moon and back.
-K
Tuesday, 4 August 2015
Counting Blessings and Learning Lessons
I have been so happy lately and I have been counting my blessings.
I am so blessed to live where I live and to have a home with family who love and care about me. I am so grateful for all the love and service I have gotten since I got here.
I am blessed with the most gracious and loving husband I could have ever asked for. Jance is so much more than I thought I deserved.
I am grateful for those that have shown me the love the Heavenly Father has for me. I am grateful that you have taught me that I am worth something and that I am beautiful the way I am.
It is amazing the amount of damage that negative words have on someone. Healing from that damage has taken me quite a while, but I am amazingly proud of myself for the amount of change that I have already accomplished. I still have a ways to go but I am better than I was.
I am blessed with a wonderful opportunity to work from home and that is allowing me to go to school. I am following my dreams and it is amazing to have an awesome husband who supports those dreams.
I am blessed to finally be on the road to becoming healthy. I am thankful for all the love and support.
Another huge blessing in my life is having worthy Priesthood holders around me. I love that Jance is a worthy priesthood holder but is amazing that his brothers and father are also around to give blessings and counsel when needed.
I am blessed in so very many more ways. I am loving life. I am actually truly happy and that feeling is amazing. I wish I could pass it on to others.
I have also learned that Heavenly Father knows me better than I know me and he knows what I need and when I needed it better than I do. Everything is in his time not mine. I am grateful for the Gospel and all the many many many blessings it has brought into my life.
Life is amazing right now and I am loving it, I am truly blessed.
I am so blessed to live where I live and to have a home with family who love and care about me. I am so grateful for all the love and service I have gotten since I got here.
I am blessed with the most gracious and loving husband I could have ever asked for. Jance is so much more than I thought I deserved.
I am grateful for those that have shown me the love the Heavenly Father has for me. I am grateful that you have taught me that I am worth something and that I am beautiful the way I am.
It is amazing the amount of damage that negative words have on someone. Healing from that damage has taken me quite a while, but I am amazingly proud of myself for the amount of change that I have already accomplished. I still have a ways to go but I am better than I was.
I am blessed with a wonderful opportunity to work from home and that is allowing me to go to school. I am following my dreams and it is amazing to have an awesome husband who supports those dreams.
I am blessed to finally be on the road to becoming healthy. I am thankful for all the love and support.
Another huge blessing in my life is having worthy Priesthood holders around me. I love that Jance is a worthy priesthood holder but is amazing that his brothers and father are also around to give blessings and counsel when needed.
I am blessed in so very many more ways. I am loving life. I am actually truly happy and that feeling is amazing. I wish I could pass it on to others.
I have also learned that Heavenly Father knows me better than I know me and he knows what I need and when I needed it better than I do. Everything is in his time not mine. I am grateful for the Gospel and all the many many many blessings it has brought into my life.
Life is amazing right now and I am loving it, I am truly blessed.
Sunday, 26 July 2015
Following Heavenly Father's Plan
Well as most of you know I am starting school on August 3rd. I am beyond excited!!!!
It is amazing that I have Jance full support on this. It will be amazing to not only start but to finish and to get a degree. I am going to Allied American University they are accredited I wouldn't be going there if they werent.
I am getting my Bachelors in Business Management. I don't know exactly what I will use it for but that is where I feel Heavenly Father is leading me. Jance and I have prayed about it and feel this is the right thing for us to do.
Another little story about Heavenly Father knows where you are needed more than we know.
I have been applying for jobs but was worried about working out of the home and being able to get good grades. No one was calling me back on any of the applications or resumes that I have turned in,
I was beginning to get frustrated because we needed me to be bringing in some income about 200.00 a month, so I was looking for a very part time job. Low and behold I was needed at home to help around here by doing something very important. As soon as my in laws brought the idea to me I felt like that is why I was not finding a job outside the house.
I am loving the path Jance and I are on right now. Life is wonderful and we can face whatever comes at us. Jance is an amazing supporter and very loving and caring, It is amazing to feel the support from not only him but from the family that is around us.
I am so blessed and so excited to start this journey of getting my degree.
It is amazing that I have Jance full support on this. It will be amazing to not only start but to finish and to get a degree. I am going to Allied American University they are accredited I wouldn't be going there if they werent.
I am getting my Bachelors in Business Management. I don't know exactly what I will use it for but that is where I feel Heavenly Father is leading me. Jance and I have prayed about it and feel this is the right thing for us to do.
Another little story about Heavenly Father knows where you are needed more than we know.
I have been applying for jobs but was worried about working out of the home and being able to get good grades. No one was calling me back on any of the applications or resumes that I have turned in,
I was beginning to get frustrated because we needed me to be bringing in some income about 200.00 a month, so I was looking for a very part time job. Low and behold I was needed at home to help around here by doing something very important. As soon as my in laws brought the idea to me I felt like that is why I was not finding a job outside the house.
I am loving the path Jance and I are on right now. Life is wonderful and we can face whatever comes at us. Jance is an amazing supporter and very loving and caring, It is amazing to feel the support from not only him but from the family that is around us.
I am so blessed and so excited to start this journey of getting my degree.
Monday, 20 July 2015
6 months....
WOW!!! Jance and I have been married for 6 months!
Six of the most amazing months of my life. In the last six months I have learned a lot about family love and the priesthood.
One I am thankful that Jance choose me to be his wife. I am so beyond grateful for him. I truly believe Heavenly Father placed us in each others paths that fateful day,
Jance has taught me so much about what true love is. He taught me what a true marriage is supposed to feel like. He is so amazing if you dont know him you should.
These past six months I have learned so much.
I have learned that no matter how "far gone" yo think you are from Heavenly Father he still loves you and wants to see you succeed there is no such that has being too far gone from him.
I have learned what its like to have worthy priesthood holders around. Men that are willing and worthy to use it,
I have learned that I am so very loved.
I also gained a family six months ago a family I am so blessed and grateful to have.
I am so happy in life. I honestly never thought that I could be this happy. I never thought I was worth the kind of love I am getting now. I love life.
I am so beyond bless to be able to go to church and teach primary. I love reading scriptures and praying with my Jance.
I can not wait for the next six months to go by so that Jance and I can get sealed and be an eternal family. I know that this church is true and I know that Heavenly Father loves me and I know that he has blessed me to be a part of this family. I love the gospel and and all the many blessings that I have received.
I am in love with Jance and loving life.
I love you Jance and cant wait to celebrate forever with you!!!
Six of the most amazing months of my life. In the last six months I have learned a lot about family love and the priesthood.
One I am thankful that Jance choose me to be his wife. I am so beyond grateful for him. I truly believe Heavenly Father placed us in each others paths that fateful day,
Jance has taught me so much about what true love is. He taught me what a true marriage is supposed to feel like. He is so amazing if you dont know him you should.
These past six months I have learned so much.
I have learned that no matter how "far gone" yo think you are from Heavenly Father he still loves you and wants to see you succeed there is no such that has being too far gone from him.
I have learned what its like to have worthy priesthood holders around. Men that are willing and worthy to use it,
I have learned that I am so very loved.
I also gained a family six months ago a family I am so blessed and grateful to have.
I am so happy in life. I honestly never thought that I could be this happy. I never thought I was worth the kind of love I am getting now. I love life.
I am so beyond bless to be able to go to church and teach primary. I love reading scriptures and praying with my Jance.
I can not wait for the next six months to go by so that Jance and I can get sealed and be an eternal family. I know that this church is true and I know that Heavenly Father loves me and I know that he has blessed me to be a part of this family. I love the gospel and and all the many blessings that I have received.
I am in love with Jance and loving life.
I love you Jance and cant wait to celebrate forever with you!!!
Tuesday, 30 June 2015
Super Glue and Polish
A year ago I posted this quote:
"One day, someone with super glue and polish will come
along and not see you as damaged but as a beautiful mess. They will work with
you to pick up the pieces and polish them and glue them back into place. This
person will love you for what you have gone through and will be there for you
no matter what. One day that person will come along...One day...not today but
one day....." -Unknown
It’s crazy how much can happen in just one year.
Last year I was going through a divorce and it was one of
the hardest things I have been through. I came out of that marriage broken and
damaged. I didn't feel pretty or cute. I felt fat and ugly. I was at my highest
weight of 220. I was sick and I didn't know why, and the doctors didn't know
either. (We are just now figuring it all out).
At that point in my life I did not know if I would or wanted
to get married again.
I got of gluten and lost some weight. (Still want to lose a
bit more)
I was lost and losing faith in myself and doubting the
truths I know. I started getting my faith back, and started going to the YSA
ward in Nov.
I saw Jance at an FHE, I was too chicken to talk to him. I
was struggling with a few things still and didn't have the strength to be
rejected so I did not talk to him. It would be a few more months until he came
back in to my life in the exact way that Heavenly Father had planned it.
A year ago I never thought that there was someone out there
that would love me and all my baggage. Boy, was I wrong. Jance had the heavy
duty super glue and the best polish anyone could have gotten. He helped and is
still helping me glue and polish my broken but beautiful mess.
I know I say it a lot on here but he truly is the best
husband. Jance is amazing and I can’t believe how much changes in just one
year.
I am excited to see where this next year brings us.
-Kendra
P.S.
THIS IS MY 50TH BLOG POST!!!!
Saturday, 27 June 2015
Feeling Like Myself Again
Feeling like myself again.
That is my sentence of the week. I have been in a spiral that was going down and kept going down. I took a lot of patience from a lot of people to get me out of that spiral.
Lately people have been giving me crap about how open I am about my anxiety, my depression and my PTSD, but if sharing my story helps others find hope or strength I will continue to share.
I am finally figuring out how to be happy and how to not let what others say affect me. Yes it took twenty seven and half years but it is silly to let others dictate how you live. Not everyone will like you and that is okay.
You make choices and every choice has a consequence, good or bad, it has one. For example:
Jance and I eloped: We are in love and we followed the prompting we received. We have been blessed. Some bad: Not everyone was okay with that choice and that's okay because the only people that need to be okay with it are Jance and myself. Don't get me wrong we are very appreciative of all the love and support that we have gotten.
I am sick of it being thrown in my face that we eloped and I am sick of people saying that we didn't follow the spirit. We did. Heavenly Father is amazing and has shown Jance and I that we are meant to be together despite those hoping we will fail. We will not fail because this is it. He is the one. I love him and nothing is ever going to change that.
So I am no longer letting if people agreed with us eloping or not get to me because carrying that around is not healthy. I have nothing to feel guilty over. I do not need any ones approval of how we got married or of me. They either like me or they don't. That is their choice and they will have to live the consequence.
Jance and I will be sealed and it will be amazingly awesome. We love each other and Heavenly Father knows what's in our hearts. I am loving life. I am loving the blessings that are coming from Heavenly Father. I love my in laws , Jance family is awesome.
I am letting go of fear and letting go of self doubt and self hatred. I do this self destruct thing (Jance hates it) I hate that I do that to myself. I am now trying to stop that, it's not healthy.
So I am feeling like myself again. It is awesome and amazing. I am glad to be back to myself and I know Jance is too.
Thank you for all the support and love. I love you guys!!!
-Kendra
That is my sentence of the week. I have been in a spiral that was going down and kept going down. I took a lot of patience from a lot of people to get me out of that spiral.
Lately people have been giving me crap about how open I am about my anxiety, my depression and my PTSD, but if sharing my story helps others find hope or strength I will continue to share.
I am finally figuring out how to be happy and how to not let what others say affect me. Yes it took twenty seven and half years but it is silly to let others dictate how you live. Not everyone will like you and that is okay.
You make choices and every choice has a consequence, good or bad, it has one. For example:
Jance and I eloped: We are in love and we followed the prompting we received. We have been blessed. Some bad: Not everyone was okay with that choice and that's okay because the only people that need to be okay with it are Jance and myself. Don't get me wrong we are very appreciative of all the love and support that we have gotten.
I am sick of it being thrown in my face that we eloped and I am sick of people saying that we didn't follow the spirit. We did. Heavenly Father is amazing and has shown Jance and I that we are meant to be together despite those hoping we will fail. We will not fail because this is it. He is the one. I love him and nothing is ever going to change that.
So I am no longer letting if people agreed with us eloping or not get to me because carrying that around is not healthy. I have nothing to feel guilty over. I do not need any ones approval of how we got married or of me. They either like me or they don't. That is their choice and they will have to live the consequence.
Jance and I will be sealed and it will be amazingly awesome. We love each other and Heavenly Father knows what's in our hearts. I am loving life. I am loving the blessings that are coming from Heavenly Father. I love my in laws , Jance family is awesome.
I am letting go of fear and letting go of self doubt and self hatred. I do this self destruct thing (Jance hates it) I hate that I do that to myself. I am now trying to stop that, it's not healthy.
So I am feeling like myself again. It is awesome and amazing. I am glad to be back to myself and I know Jance is too.
Thank you for all the support and love. I love you guys!!!
-Kendra
Friday, 19 June 2015
One Year Later
A year ago tomorrow I came back to Washington for a visit. I came here with the intention of going back to Arizona. When I got here I was waiting for my divorce to be finalized. As i reflect on this past year and that vacation that ended up making me live here, I cant help but see all of the amazing blessings that I have received from following the promptings that I have received.
Heavenly Father is truly amazing!!
I never planned on staying here, others thought that I might end up staying here but I never thought that I would end up staying here. I had no idea of why I was staying but I stayed.
Over the past year, I have had some struggles and some pain but I have also triumphed over obstacles that I never thought I would have been able too.
I never thought that I would be married to an amazing man who wants to take me to the Temple. I never thought that I would have found someone who loves me for me and isn't trying to make me change.
A year ago, I was very very sad and trying to hide it. I faked a smile and pretended to be okay. Now I am not pretending anymore. I am truly very very very very happy and no one can take it from me. I am living life and have an amazing Husband and a great family and I am so glad I am not the women I was a year ago. I am very different then I was a year ago. I am so very very different and I thank God that I have changed and that I have a a good relationship with him.
I love life and I am very excited to be on this journey. I am so glad that I am no longer drinking to hide feelings and thoughts. I am blessed that I no longer need to rely on alcohol. I am glad that I am finally getting healthy.
I am handling my anxiety and depression and PTSD, for once it does not have a handle on me. I am in control of it and I have learned so much of how to handle it and how to not let it bug me so much. Most will not understand that and that is okay.
I am so grateful that I decided to follow the promptings that I received and decided not to leave. I love Washington and what it has taught me and the blessings that I have received while I have been here.
-Kendra
Heavenly Father is truly amazing!!
I never planned on staying here, others thought that I might end up staying here but I never thought that I would end up staying here. I had no idea of why I was staying but I stayed.
Over the past year, I have had some struggles and some pain but I have also triumphed over obstacles that I never thought I would have been able too.
I never thought that I would be married to an amazing man who wants to take me to the Temple. I never thought that I would have found someone who loves me for me and isn't trying to make me change.
A year ago, I was very very sad and trying to hide it. I faked a smile and pretended to be okay. Now I am not pretending anymore. I am truly very very very very happy and no one can take it from me. I am living life and have an amazing Husband and a great family and I am so glad I am not the women I was a year ago. I am very different then I was a year ago. I am so very very different and I thank God that I have changed and that I have a a good relationship with him.
I love life and I am very excited to be on this journey. I am so glad that I am no longer drinking to hide feelings and thoughts. I am blessed that I no longer need to rely on alcohol. I am glad that I am finally getting healthy.
I am handling my anxiety and depression and PTSD, for once it does not have a handle on me. I am in control of it and I have learned so much of how to handle it and how to not let it bug me so much. Most will not understand that and that is okay.
I am so grateful that I decided to follow the promptings that I received and decided not to leave. I love Washington and what it has taught me and the blessings that I have received while I have been here.
-Kendra
Thursday, 18 June 2015
5 Months and so much more
Well as of yesterday Jance and I have been married for 5 amazing months. I love Jance so very very much. Jance is the most amazing husband, he is the greatest husband that I could have ever asked for. Jance has helped me grow in so many ways. I am truly grateful and honored to be his wife.
Jance has helped me learn so much about myself. He has also taught me so much about the Gospel and about Heavenly Father. Jance is the greatest teacher, and I am so blessed that he his a worthy priesthood holder. It is such a gift to be able to ask my husband for blessings.
I have gotten my limited use Temple recommend.(If you aren't sure what that is please please please ask). I have never been there before so I am excited to be able to enter that sacred and holy place so that I can have those experiences and the best part is Jance gets to be there and experience it with me.
I am truly blessed to be able to go there with my husband. The Bishop has said that her in Oct-Nov I can get my endowments out and then in January,,,,Jance and I will be able to be sealed.(If you don't know what I am talking about please ask or visit Mormon.org)
These past five months have been the best of my life. I am not saying that my marriage is perfect because lets face it no ones marriage or life is perfect but mine is perfect for me. I am glad to be traveling down this road with Jance.
I love him so very much and I cant wait until I am celebrating 50 years of marriage with such an incredible man. Jance is truly the best. He is so amazingly perfect for me. Heavenly Father is truly amazing and he knows exactly what we need and when we need it. Heavenly Father gave me Jance, he put him in my life right at the right time. I wasn't looking for dates or even planned on getting married but Heavenly Father knew what I needed and he helped me and Jance know that his hand was (and is) in our marriage and the planning of it.
Jance has been my rock. He is amazing and the things he has taught me have been well amazing.
I know that Heavenly Father has been with me and he still is. I know that Heavenly Father hears my prayers. I know that Jesus died for my sins and the sins of the world. I know that we are to follow his commandments not as rules but as commandments to keep us holy. I am very glad that Heavenly Father and Jesus love me so very much that they are there for me no matter what I am going through. Heavenly Father has given me so very many wonderful blessings. Jance is the one of those blessings.I am so truly blessed that we have the Gift of the Holy Ghost and that we are able to receive promptings from it and that we are able to be follow those promptings while using our agency. I will forever be grateful and thankful that Jance and I were able to follow the promptings we received and got married when we did. I know that Heavenly Father wanted us to get married. I know that we are amazing children of Heavenly Father. I know that Joseph Smith was and is a true prophet of God. I know that this church is true. I say this in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.
I was not planning on bearing my testimony but there it is for you. I am so in love with Jance and have an amazing relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus.
Until next time.....
-Kendra
Jance has helped me learn so much about myself. He has also taught me so much about the Gospel and about Heavenly Father. Jance is the greatest teacher, and I am so blessed that he his a worthy priesthood holder. It is such a gift to be able to ask my husband for blessings.
I have gotten my limited use Temple recommend.(If you aren't sure what that is please please please ask). I have never been there before so I am excited to be able to enter that sacred and holy place so that I can have those experiences and the best part is Jance gets to be there and experience it with me.
I am truly blessed to be able to go there with my husband. The Bishop has said that her in Oct-Nov I can get my endowments out and then in January,,,,Jance and I will be able to be sealed.(If you don't know what I am talking about please ask or visit Mormon.org)
These past five months have been the best of my life. I am not saying that my marriage is perfect because lets face it no ones marriage or life is perfect but mine is perfect for me. I am glad to be traveling down this road with Jance.
I love him so very much and I cant wait until I am celebrating 50 years of marriage with such an incredible man. Jance is truly the best. He is so amazingly perfect for me. Heavenly Father is truly amazing and he knows exactly what we need and when we need it. Heavenly Father gave me Jance, he put him in my life right at the right time. I wasn't looking for dates or even planned on getting married but Heavenly Father knew what I needed and he helped me and Jance know that his hand was (and is) in our marriage and the planning of it.
Jance has been my rock. He is amazing and the things he has taught me have been well amazing.
I know that Heavenly Father has been with me and he still is. I know that Heavenly Father hears my prayers. I know that Jesus died for my sins and the sins of the world. I know that we are to follow his commandments not as rules but as commandments to keep us holy. I am very glad that Heavenly Father and Jesus love me so very much that they are there for me no matter what I am going through. Heavenly Father has given me so very many wonderful blessings. Jance is the one of those blessings.I am so truly blessed that we have the Gift of the Holy Ghost and that we are able to receive promptings from it and that we are able to be follow those promptings while using our agency. I will forever be grateful and thankful that Jance and I were able to follow the promptings we received and got married when we did. I know that Heavenly Father wanted us to get married. I know that we are amazing children of Heavenly Father. I know that Joseph Smith was and is a true prophet of God. I know that this church is true. I say this in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.
I was not planning on bearing my testimony but there it is for you. I am so in love with Jance and have an amazing relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus.
Until next time.....
-Kendra
Tuesday, 19 May 2015
A New Leaf
I am realizing how long negative words can stay with you and how good it feels to get rid of them and the feelings the make you feel. Replacing them with positive things is so much better for you and trust me you just feel better. I am in such a loving state of loving my self and being better for not only me but for Jance and those around me.
Yes I still have GAD (general anxiety disorder) and PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) but they no longer have a hold on me I have a hold of them. Some-days will be better then others but I am glad that I finally have a hold of it.
If you ever have questions about my disorders please just ask. I am pretty open about it and I believe in sharing my story to hopefully help others.
Jance has been such an amazing support and so loving and understanding. I am glad and so unbelievably blessed that I get to call him my husband.
I am so happy that Heavenly Father has put me in this family surrounded by people who love me and are there to help me.
Having GAD and PTSD is not easy by any means and it is not the same for everyone. I will may never know why I have them but I now know that They are making me stronger.
I need to thank Jance for all he does for me. He seriously is the best blessing I have received. He found me when I was a little broken and saw through that, he saw my heart and I am so glad that he was not afraid to follow the promptings that he received. I am so very glad that he is a worth priesthood holder and that I can turn to him when I need to (which is often).
I am so in love with him and I am glad that Heavenly Father allowed us to meet and that Jance became my husband.
I am so glad and grateful and excited to be turning over this new leaf.
I may have GAD and PTSD but I am strong.
Saturday, 4 April 2015
A lesson I have learned
So as many of you know my puppy Hagrid was very very sick. My poor little puppy had Parvo. We were so very lucky and very blessed to have caught it so early. Hagrid was given a few priesthood blessings and I just had a feeling that if we did everything the vets told us to that he would be okay.
We followed our instincts and every little prompting that we had and Jance was so very supportive in everything that I asked to him to do and in getting the care for my sweet little boy.
Hagrid was hospitalized for 2 days.... 2 very long days. I thank Jance for all the patience, love, kindness and support that he gave to me during that time.
Hagrid was so happy to see us well more so Jance that is. He loves Jance and as long as he is happy I don't care who he loves more.
So the lessons that I have learned:
1. Heavenly Father never gives us more then we can handle
2. Priesthood blessings are such an amazing gift and are there for everyone
3. It all in Heavenly Fathers time...not mine no matter how bad I want it to be in my time
4.Heavenly Father puts the people you need in your life
I have know these things but I needed to re-learn them and I am glad that Heavenly Father looks out for all of his children and creatures. Hagrid is not just our puppy he is part of this Family and I love him and it pained me to see him so sick and I felt so helpless not being able to help him. I leaned so much on Jance and Heavenly Father. I am so grateful for all the prayers and thoughts that were given on behalf of Hagrid.
Thank you all so so much.
-Kendra
We followed our instincts and every little prompting that we had and Jance was so very supportive in everything that I asked to him to do and in getting the care for my sweet little boy.
Hagrid was hospitalized for 2 days.... 2 very long days. I thank Jance for all the patience, love, kindness and support that he gave to me during that time.
Hagrid was so happy to see us well more so Jance that is. He loves Jance and as long as he is happy I don't care who he loves more.
So the lessons that I have learned:
1. Heavenly Father never gives us more then we can handle
2. Priesthood blessings are such an amazing gift and are there for everyone
3. It all in Heavenly Fathers time...not mine no matter how bad I want it to be in my time
4.Heavenly Father puts the people you need in your life
I have know these things but I needed to re-learn them and I am glad that Heavenly Father looks out for all of his children and creatures. Hagrid is not just our puppy he is part of this Family and I love him and it pained me to see him so sick and I felt so helpless not being able to help him. I leaned so much on Jance and Heavenly Father. I am so grateful for all the prayers and thoughts that were given on behalf of Hagrid.
Thank you all so so much.
-Kendra
Sunday, 29 March 2015
A calling.....
I am going to get a little personal with this one... bear with me.
So Jance and I received a calling. We got the calling last Sunday before we left for our honeymoon and I was nervous and worried that I wouldn't be able to accept it. Before I meet Jance I wasn't following and living the Gospel as I should have been.
I felt like I wasn't worthy of a calling. I felt forgiven of the sins I had committed but I still didn't feel worthy. We went and talked with the Bishop and it was amazing he said I was forgiven (I don't know why I need him to tell me ...it just solidified it I guess).
I am so blessed to be in this Ward and with a Family that reassured me that every thing would be okay.
I have been on a very long journey to become worthy and the Temple is my goal and I know some wont understand this but I will be able to go to the Temple in May for the first time ever to do Baptisms for the dead. I never had the opportunity to go as a youth because of choices I was making so I am beyond excited and can not wait for it to be May!!!
I know with out a doubt in my heart or mind that this is the true church of God. I know that Heavenly Father loves me and that he has opened doors and opportunities for me. I know that Jesus died for me and my sins and the sins of the world. I am blessed and grateful for the priesthood. I know that Heavenly Father blessed me with Jance and I will forever be grateful for him. I know that I am a beloved daughter of God and that trails will come my way but he is always on my side.
I am so beyond blessed in ways I never thought I would be.
So Jance and I received a calling. We got the calling last Sunday before we left for our honeymoon and I was nervous and worried that I wouldn't be able to accept it. Before I meet Jance I wasn't following and living the Gospel as I should have been.
I felt like I wasn't worthy of a calling. I felt forgiven of the sins I had committed but I still didn't feel worthy. We went and talked with the Bishop and it was amazing he said I was forgiven (I don't know why I need him to tell me ...it just solidified it I guess).
I am so blessed to be in this Ward and with a Family that reassured me that every thing would be okay.
I have been on a very long journey to become worthy and the Temple is my goal and I know some wont understand this but I will be able to go to the Temple in May for the first time ever to do Baptisms for the dead. I never had the opportunity to go as a youth because of choices I was making so I am beyond excited and can not wait for it to be May!!!
I know with out a doubt in my heart or mind that this is the true church of God. I know that Heavenly Father loves me and that he has opened doors and opportunities for me. I know that Jesus died for me and my sins and the sins of the world. I am blessed and grateful for the priesthood. I know that Heavenly Father blessed me with Jance and I will forever be grateful for him. I know that I am a beloved daughter of God and that trails will come my way but he is always on my side.
I am so beyond blessed in ways I never thought I would be.
Sunday, 8 March 2015
Change
Life has a crazy way of giving you what you need when you need it. I know that Heavenly Father is behind it all. I am grateful that he is always looking out for me.
When Jance and I meet I didn't know that I needed him. Here in a few days it will be 2 months since that faithfully day that he came in to my life.
Since being with Jance my anxiety is lower. Yes I still have anxiety attacks and a few other issues but it is so much easier to work through them and get through them with Jance by my side. He helps me through things I thought would haunt me forever.
I never thought I needed someone in the way that Jance is there for me. I couldn't have asked for a better husband and friend. I am beyond blessed that Jance wants to take me to the temple. We don't just talk about it, it is a goal that will happen.
I never thought that someone would be so accepting of my past and all of my mistakes. I am never thought someone would want me. I felt ugly and felt like I was damaged goods.
I now know, and not just because of Jance, that I am a beautiful person inside and out. I feel more beautiful than I ever have. It is amazing what can change when your environment changes. It is amazing how a loving and caring relationship can make everything brighter. I am so in love with Jance and I am excited to see where life takes us. I am loving life and all that it is giving us and letting us experience. I am so grateful that I can now ride the rollercoasters of life with Jance.
I am feeling more love then I can ever remember feeling. I am striving every day to be the best me I can be and I am blessed and thankful that Jance is there for me every step of the way.
I was not looking for Jance but I will forever be grateful and thankful that Heavenly Father allowed us to cross paths that fateful day. I am so blessed that we both followed the promptings of the Holy Ghost.
I am so very blessed.
-KM
When Jance and I meet I didn't know that I needed him. Here in a few days it will be 2 months since that faithfully day that he came in to my life.
Since being with Jance my anxiety is lower. Yes I still have anxiety attacks and a few other issues but it is so much easier to work through them and get through them with Jance by my side. He helps me through things I thought would haunt me forever.
I never thought I needed someone in the way that Jance is there for me. I couldn't have asked for a better husband and friend. I am beyond blessed that Jance wants to take me to the temple. We don't just talk about it, it is a goal that will happen.
I never thought that someone would be so accepting of my past and all of my mistakes. I am never thought someone would want me. I felt ugly and felt like I was damaged goods.
I now know, and not just because of Jance, that I am a beautiful person inside and out. I feel more beautiful than I ever have. It is amazing what can change when your environment changes. It is amazing how a loving and caring relationship can make everything brighter. I am so in love with Jance and I am excited to see where life takes us. I am loving life and all that it is giving us and letting us experience. I am so grateful that I can now ride the rollercoasters of life with Jance.
I am feeling more love then I can ever remember feeling. I am striving every day to be the best me I can be and I am blessed and thankful that Jance is there for me every step of the way.
I was not looking for Jance but I will forever be grateful and thankful that Heavenly Father allowed us to cross paths that fateful day. I am so blessed that we both followed the promptings of the Holy Ghost.
I am so very blessed.
-KM
Friday, 27 February 2015
Emotions and thoughts....
So many of you know that I do not express emotions very well. Well being in therapy and having Jance I have opened up a lot more. It is amazing how awesome it is to be able to be open all the time.
I wasn't ever able to be 100% honest and open before. I wasnt able to be 100% myself either. I feel so good about myself now. Jance never puts me down, and when I put myself down he is there to pick me up and uplift me.
Emotions are a thing I kept hidden for a very long time. I hide who I was and what was going on in my life. I was only 100% honest and true to those that knew better. I wore a mask of fake smiles and fake happiness.
I haven't been this genuinely happy in a very long time. I am able to talk openly about how I feel and what is going on in my mind. My thoughts and opinions matter to Jance and I have never had that before. I have never been a number one priority until Jance came into my life.
I am beyond bless to be Jance's wife. He is the most amazing and supportive man that I know. He loved me for me and accepts all of my scars (that are now finally fading).
I am so blessed and so grateful that I not only have Jance in my life but the family I gained when I married him is one of the best gifts ever.
I am happier now then I truly ever have been. It's amazing what happens when you follow the promptings of the still small voice and follow the path Heavenly Father lays out for you.
-KM
I wasn't ever able to be 100% honest and open before. I wasnt able to be 100% myself either. I feel so good about myself now. Jance never puts me down, and when I put myself down he is there to pick me up and uplift me.
Emotions are a thing I kept hidden for a very long time. I hide who I was and what was going on in my life. I was only 100% honest and true to those that knew better. I wore a mask of fake smiles and fake happiness.
I haven't been this genuinely happy in a very long time. I am able to talk openly about how I feel and what is going on in my mind. My thoughts and opinions matter to Jance and I have never had that before. I have never been a number one priority until Jance came into my life.
I am beyond bless to be Jance's wife. He is the most amazing and supportive man that I know. He loved me for me and accepts all of my scars (that are now finally fading).
I am so blessed and so grateful that I not only have Jance in my life but the family I gained when I married him is one of the best gifts ever.
I am happier now then I truly ever have been. It's amazing what happens when you follow the promptings of the still small voice and follow the path Heavenly Father lays out for you.
-KM
Thursday, 19 February 2015
Priesthood and My Amazing husband
I am so grateful that my husband has the power of the Priesthood. I am so thankful that I can turn to him when I am in need.
I am grateful that he keeps himself worthy so that he can use the power that the Lord has entrusted him with.
For those who don't know what a priesthood blessing is here is a link that explains it a bit:
https://www.lds.org/youth/article/importance-of-priesthood-blessings?lang=eng
Since I moved to Washington the first time in 2009. I never lived with a worthy priesthood holder. I was never able to access the blessings whenever I needed them. I would always have to call someone not that those people I called ever minded but I felt like a burden.
So the fact that my husband is a worthy priesthood holder. Its an amazing gift and I am so very blessed that he is worthy and keeps himself that way.
I know I talk about how amazing Jance is a lot but he is very amazing. If you know me well, you know that I put myself down a lot especially in times where I am stuck in bed all day and can not get my list of To Dos done. I feel like a bad wife when I can't do the things I need/am supposed to do. He tells me how amazing I am and how thankful he is for me.
I never knew that this is what true love is supposed to be like.
He is there for me when I am sad and picks me back up when I fall down. He truly is the best husband. Heavenly Father blessed us in finding one another. He is the best man, that could ever have found me. I am so blessed that we were on the right path at the right time to be able to find each other.
I am so blessed that Jance and I followed the promptings we received and that we got married when we did. I wasn't looking to get married and I was not expecting to find the love of my life so soon, It was not in my plan but it was in Heavenly Fathers and I am glad that we both followed the small still voice as it lead us to each other and that we were able to get married and have the support of our loved ones.
I know not everyone understands why we got married so fast. I hope you all trust us when we say that we followed the spirit and the promptings we received from Heavenly Father. I have never been this happy before and Jance is amazing. He handles my anxiety issues and my PTSD so amazingly well. He is very understanding about it all and is just the most caring and loving husband. I will forever be grateful and thankful that I was blessed to be able to be his wife.
-KM
I am grateful that he keeps himself worthy so that he can use the power that the Lord has entrusted him with.
For those who don't know what a priesthood blessing is here is a link that explains it a bit:
https://www.lds.org/youth/article/importance-of-priesthood-blessings?lang=eng
Since I moved to Washington the first time in 2009. I never lived with a worthy priesthood holder. I was never able to access the blessings whenever I needed them. I would always have to call someone not that those people I called ever minded but I felt like a burden.
So the fact that my husband is a worthy priesthood holder. Its an amazing gift and I am so very blessed that he is worthy and keeps himself that way.
I know I talk about how amazing Jance is a lot but he is very amazing. If you know me well, you know that I put myself down a lot especially in times where I am stuck in bed all day and can not get my list of To Dos done. I feel like a bad wife when I can't do the things I need/am supposed to do. He tells me how amazing I am and how thankful he is for me.
I never knew that this is what true love is supposed to be like.
He is there for me when I am sad and picks me back up when I fall down. He truly is the best husband. Heavenly Father blessed us in finding one another. He is the best man, that could ever have found me. I am so blessed that we were on the right path at the right time to be able to find each other.
I am so blessed that Jance and I followed the promptings we received and that we got married when we did. I wasn't looking to get married and I was not expecting to find the love of my life so soon, It was not in my plan but it was in Heavenly Fathers and I am glad that we both followed the small still voice as it lead us to each other and that we were able to get married and have the support of our loved ones.
I know not everyone understands why we got married so fast. I hope you all trust us when we say that we followed the spirit and the promptings we received from Heavenly Father. I have never been this happy before and Jance is amazing. He handles my anxiety issues and my PTSD so amazingly well. He is very understanding about it all and is just the most caring and loving husband. I will forever be grateful and thankful that I was blessed to be able to be his wife.
-KM
Monday, 16 February 2015
One month
I cant believe that tomorrow we will have been married for a month. It has been an amazing journey so far and it will continue to be. Its hasn't been perfect we have had a few ups and downs but its how we handle them that is amazing to me. We are stronger together.
The way that Jance loves me is amazing to me and I thank Heavenly Father every day for allowing Jance in my life,
Its crazy how fast the time goes by. I am loving married life. I am so grateful for Jance and his family.
Heavenly Father had truly blessed me. I am beyond grateful for all that he has given me. I have an amazing husband who loves me for me and accepts all my perfect imperfections. I may be a mess at times but all he sees is the beauty in the mess.
I dont know how I got so lucky but I am sure glad that Jance found me.
The way that Jance loves me is amazing to me and I thank Heavenly Father every day for allowing Jance in my life,
Its crazy how fast the time goes by. I am loving married life. I am so grateful for Jance and his family.
Heavenly Father had truly blessed me. I am beyond grateful for all that he has given me. I have an amazing husband who loves me for me and accepts all my perfect imperfections. I may be a mess at times but all he sees is the beauty in the mess.
I dont know how I got so lucky but I am sure glad that Jance found me.
Valentines Day
What an amazing Valentines Day we had.
I got gifts from my husband and others.
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It truly was an amazing day even though Jance was sick. We stayed in and got pizza and watched a movie. It was the best :)
I got gifts from my husband and others.
Candy cane hearts from the Nelsons
Bags f Candy from each other
Ballons I got Jance
And Hagrid....The yorkie puppy Jance got me
Sunday, 1 February 2015
Wow...2 weeks....
Its been two weeks since we got married.
It feels like so much longer than that though at times. I feel like I have been with Jance forever.
I am so blessed to have him as my husband forever.
We are also planning a reception and the plans are coming together. I am getting a wedding dress :).
I have been sick for the past 5 days. Jance has been by my side taking care of me and I know its not easy because I am a brat when I am sick. I have looked like crap, and just feel gross and He still tells me I am beautiful.
I am so beyond bless to have not only meet Jance but I am his wife. He chose me to be with him forever.
These past two weeks have been amazing. I was thinking yesterday how Jance and his family can hug me and I don't flinch. I still flinch when friends I have know 6-10 yrs try to hug me. I feel like I am meant to be here. They get me if that makes sense. His whole family loves me and is there for us. I have been so blessed. I am so grateful and thankful that I have become apart of this family.
I am excited to see what the future holds for Jance and I.
-KM
It feels like so much longer than that though at times. I feel like I have been with Jance forever.
I am so blessed to have him as my husband forever.
We are also planning a reception and the plans are coming together. I am getting a wedding dress :).
I have been sick for the past 5 days. Jance has been by my side taking care of me and I know its not easy because I am a brat when I am sick. I have looked like crap, and just feel gross and He still tells me I am beautiful.
I am so beyond bless to have not only meet Jance but I am his wife. He chose me to be with him forever.
These past two weeks have been amazing. I was thinking yesterday how Jance and his family can hug me and I don't flinch. I still flinch when friends I have know 6-10 yrs try to hug me. I feel like I am meant to be here. They get me if that makes sense. His whole family loves me and is there for us. I have been so blessed. I am so grateful and thankful that I have become apart of this family.
I am excited to see what the future holds for Jance and I.
-KM
Tuesday, 27 January 2015
Our Life Together
So Jance and I are moved in :) we moved all of my stuff in over the weekend and got his stuff today. I am so grateful for his parents for letting us move in.
We are also having a reception March 21st so if you want an invite make sure Jance and I have your address.
I am so glad to be done moving for a while in the last few weeks I moved twice.....so done with packing and unpacking. Glad I dont have to do it again for awhile.
Jance made a beautiful table ( way before we meet) but its in our room and its amazing. I am glad he has a talent that he isn't afraid to use and can make beautiful things (Pics to come)
I know I have said it before but I am so thankful and grateful for Jance and I am thankful that his parents love us and are allowing us to live here. I love being surrounded by his family.
Family is an amazing thing and I have had family in my life and I love them and I ma grateful for them but this is amazing, I feel so loved here and like I am wanted here and If you know me you know how much that means to me. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father put me on a path to where I get t be a part of this wonderful family. I dont have a pretty past ( who does) but I wouldnt change anything because if anything changed then I wouldnt be a part of this amazing family and I wouldnt have meet the most supportive and caring man that I have ever come to know. I love my husband so very much and I will be forever grateful that I got so blessed to be his wife.
I am in love.
I am loving life and I have never felt closer to the spirit and I am so grateful to have supportive people around me. Thank you to everyone who has told me to follow those small promptings that have lead my life to where it is.
Thank you so much.
-KM
We are also having a reception March 21st so if you want an invite make sure Jance and I have your address.
I am so glad to be done moving for a while in the last few weeks I moved twice.....so done with packing and unpacking. Glad I dont have to do it again for awhile.
Jance made a beautiful table ( way before we meet) but its in our room and its amazing. I am glad he has a talent that he isn't afraid to use and can make beautiful things (Pics to come)
I know I have said it before but I am so thankful and grateful for Jance and I am thankful that his parents love us and are allowing us to live here. I love being surrounded by his family.
Family is an amazing thing and I have had family in my life and I love them and I ma grateful for them but this is amazing, I feel so loved here and like I am wanted here and If you know me you know how much that means to me. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father put me on a path to where I get t be a part of this wonderful family. I dont have a pretty past ( who does) but I wouldnt change anything because if anything changed then I wouldnt be a part of this amazing family and I wouldnt have meet the most supportive and caring man that I have ever come to know. I love my husband so very much and I will be forever grateful that I got so blessed to be his wife.
I am in love.
I am loving life and I have never felt closer to the spirit and I am so grateful to have supportive people around me. Thank you to everyone who has told me to follow those small promptings that have lead my life to where it is.
Thank you so much.
-KM
Thursday, 22 January 2015
A note from a friend
I got this message from a friend on the day Jance and I got married.
I love that picture because it's the first time I have seen a man touch you and your not flinching. You and I have known each other longer than you and Jance and you flinch when I hugged you. I'm not mad....I'm just saying that's how I know it's special.
I am so glad she sent it, after what I went through I never thought I would be able to be loved or even let love in. Jance broke down my walla faster than I could have ever imagined. I am so in love with him and I never thought that I would find a man who is so accepting of what happened just wants to love me.
I am so grateful for Jance, I thank Heavenly Father multiple times a day for him. I also got super lucky and his family accepted me and my past and are here for me.
I love them. I am so blessed. I just wanted to share this so others might understand how special it really is.
I love that picture because it's the first time I have seen a man touch you and your not flinching. You and I have known each other longer than you and Jance and you flinch when I hugged you. I'm not mad....I'm just saying that's how I know it's special.
I am so glad she sent it, after what I went through I never thought I would be able to be loved or even let love in. Jance broke down my walla faster than I could have ever imagined. I am so in love with him and I never thought that I would find a man who is so accepting of what happened just wants to love me.
I am so grateful for Jance, I thank Heavenly Father multiple times a day for him. I also got super lucky and his family accepted me and my past and are here for me.
I love them. I am so blessed. I just wanted to share this so others might understand how special it really is.
Tuesday, 20 January 2015
A crazy couple of days
I feel like i am in a dream.....
I cant believe that I am married to the man of my dreams. He is the most amazing man I have meet and he accepts my past as it is. He helps me so much with my anxiety and lets me know I am perfect for him. He is the greatest blessing in my life I am so very blessed and couldn't ask for a better man to be my husband.
I am loving being his wife.
Its crazy how different it feels. ( we all know i was married before) Its just crazy how different a loving and caring relationship feels as apposed to an abusive and destructive one. I have prayed and prayed that Heavenly Father would allow me to know the difference and he has. I couldn't be more grateful for him allowing Jance to find me.
I have never felt so accepted and so wanted before. His entire family accepts me for who I am and what has happened they are all very understanding and its amazing.
I know we hurt a few people with how we got married, but I assure you we did pray about it and felt like it was and is the right thing to do.
I am happier then I have been in a very long time. I cant wait to see what the future holds for us. I am loving this new and wonderful journey and I am just looking forward to what Heavenly Father has in store for us.
-KM
I cant believe that I am married to the man of my dreams. He is the most amazing man I have meet and he accepts my past as it is. He helps me so much with my anxiety and lets me know I am perfect for him. He is the greatest blessing in my life I am so very blessed and couldn't ask for a better man to be my husband.
I am loving being his wife.
Its crazy how different it feels. ( we all know i was married before) Its just crazy how different a loving and caring relationship feels as apposed to an abusive and destructive one. I have prayed and prayed that Heavenly Father would allow me to know the difference and he has. I couldn't be more grateful for him allowing Jance to find me.
I have never felt so accepted and so wanted before. His entire family accepts me for who I am and what has happened they are all very understanding and its amazing.
I know we hurt a few people with how we got married, but I assure you we did pray about it and felt like it was and is the right thing to do.
I am happier then I have been in a very long time. I cant wait to see what the future holds for us. I am loving this new and wonderful journey and I am just looking forward to what Heavenly Father has in store for us.
-KM
Sunday, 18 January 2015
We Got MARRIED!!!!! (our love story)
Wow... I didn't think I would be writing this kinda blog anytime soon :)
So Jance and I met a few months back at an FHE in the YSA ward in Pullman. We didn't actually start talking until this past Sunday the 11th we spent the whole day talking. He came over to my house on Sunday evening and we were watching the Princess Bride and he just blurted out will you be my girlfriend and I said yes.
Monday he came over and we were talking about life and childhood and I was already in love with him. We talked about getting married and how crazy we were for already wanting to plan it. (We were looking at end of march)
I prayed about it and told myself how crazy it was, but I couldn't stop from falling. He came over Monday and told me the same thing.
We saw each other again on Thursday and I meet his wonderful amazing parents on Friday.
So on Friday he picked me up and we went and He meet Heather and David. Then we went to his parents house and I was super nervous but they were/are so loving and welcoming its amazing. After we left his parents house we went and talked and Jance said Will you marry me and I said Yes and then we looked at each other and said why wait.
So early Saturday am we headed to Coeur d'alene, ID and on the way we started to feel bad that we were eloping and not telling any one. So Jance called his parents and his brother and then they called everyone else and we actually had a little wedding ceremony thanks to his mom and sisters and family.
His sister in law set up the ceremony at the Roosevelt Inn in Coeur d'alene, and got us a night stay. His sister got us rings. They got us flowers. They all showed up to support us weather they agreed with our choice or not. I felt so much love. His Dad walked me down the aisle and that means more to me then I can put in to words. His Grandma gave me something old new borrowed and blue. It truly means a lot to me that they are so loving and accepting.
So we got married in an elopement kinda thing. I am so in love with Jance and I am blessed and grateful that he loves me and accepts me for who I am. I am grateful for the wonderful family that I married into and how amazingly loving and supportive they are.
I will post pictures as soon as I get them. We are very sorry for the shock of this all but we are in love and always will be. We are very sorry to those who couldn't make it. We appreciate all the kind words and love.
So Jance and I met a few months back at an FHE in the YSA ward in Pullman. We didn't actually start talking until this past Sunday the 11th we spent the whole day talking. He came over to my house on Sunday evening and we were watching the Princess Bride and he just blurted out will you be my girlfriend and I said yes.
Monday he came over and we were talking about life and childhood and I was already in love with him. We talked about getting married and how crazy we were for already wanting to plan it. (We were looking at end of march)
I prayed about it and told myself how crazy it was, but I couldn't stop from falling. He came over Monday and told me the same thing.
We saw each other again on Thursday and I meet his wonderful amazing parents on Friday.
So on Friday he picked me up and we went and He meet Heather and David. Then we went to his parents house and I was super nervous but they were/are so loving and welcoming its amazing. After we left his parents house we went and talked and Jance said Will you marry me and I said Yes and then we looked at each other and said why wait.
So early Saturday am we headed to Coeur d'alene, ID and on the way we started to feel bad that we were eloping and not telling any one. So Jance called his parents and his brother and then they called everyone else and we actually had a little wedding ceremony thanks to his mom and sisters and family.
His sister in law set up the ceremony at the Roosevelt Inn in Coeur d'alene, and got us a night stay. His sister got us rings. They got us flowers. They all showed up to support us weather they agreed with our choice or not. I felt so much love. His Dad walked me down the aisle and that means more to me then I can put in to words. His Grandma gave me something old new borrowed and blue. It truly means a lot to me that they are so loving and accepting.
So we got married in an elopement kinda thing. I am so in love with Jance and I am blessed and grateful that he loves me and accepts me for who I am. I am grateful for the wonderful family that I married into and how amazingly loving and supportive they are.
I will post pictures as soon as I get them. We are very sorry for the shock of this all but we are in love and always will be. We are very sorry to those who couldn't make it. We appreciate all the kind words and love.
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